you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
