True but thats because hes a fetus.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
In America we eat man semen.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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