my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my phone needs a breathalizer
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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