when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
