He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize