I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
