My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
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