he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
