I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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