I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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