At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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