The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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