He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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