Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
