There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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