Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
