we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
