Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
