I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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