i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize