Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
