i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
