Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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