it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
