Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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