what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
