The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
