My Higher Power is John Stamos
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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