so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
