If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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