It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Alive.
So much puke
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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