you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
