Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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