I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
