what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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