so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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