This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
