mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
