We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
