Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
