My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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