what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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