are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
