It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
