I got chris browned last night
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i've created a new STD.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
