do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
