we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
