found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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