you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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