I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
