i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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