You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
