I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize