So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
