i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
