This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize