I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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