I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
