I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
