Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
