I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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