I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
