Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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