I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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