i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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