when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
