Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
