K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish life had little blips of pornography
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
